The Fault In Our Silence

Aziz Ansari & the Need For Affirmative Consent

By Tyler Ross on WikiMedia Commons
From Matthew Henry on FreeRangeStock

What we need to realize is that these two things are not mutually exclusive: a night in which you were assaulted may also be an uncomfortable date.

Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash
Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)

The reality is that assault happens more often on “bad dates,” on drunken nights with male friends, in comfortable relationships than in a dark alley. And more often than they think, it’s performed by “good guys,” like Aziz.

That. Is. A. Problem.

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Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Do you want to know why women hesitate to first make a scene, then to report the crime, then to press charges? We are assaulted, then disbelieved, then humiliated, and often times, our perpetrator receives no consequences, anyway.

There are consequences to “no,” both physical and social, that can often freeze us in place, hesitant to mark ourselves as ‘slut,’ as ‘tease,’ or, worst of all, as ‘victim.’

What does this tell us? These liberal, #MeToo supporting men who vilify Grace for her story, these men that find no similarities between their own persistence, coercion, and lack of care for affirmative consent, actually look a lot more like our nightmares than they believe.

1) MAKE INTENTIONS CLEAR.

2. MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT SHE CAN REJECT YOUR PROPOSITION WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCES

3. ALWAYS RECEIVE AFFIRMATIVE CONSENT BEFORE ENGAGING IN SEX ACTS WITH A PARTNER.

Consent must be defined in the affirmative, by a clear, indisputable, and enthusiastic “yes”.

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